He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
