just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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