Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
birth control should be required to get into college
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
