grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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