not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
