I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we're making bets on your personal life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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