I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
