Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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