I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
