So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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