Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
