I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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