Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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