i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
