Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just forgot I was standing up.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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