i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
