Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
