i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
