So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
