i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
