Having a random hookup so left but love u
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
