I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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