maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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