The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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