LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
