I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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