Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
