I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
