I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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