Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
