I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
