brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
