your parents love me but you hate me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Acid is not a monday night drug
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
