just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
