okay pat passed out under dana's car
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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