You smell like a Billy Joel song
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Of course I have a pirate flag
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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