Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
