I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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