I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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