Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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