five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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