jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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