the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
