I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This is not my ceiling
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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