you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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