How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
