the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize