The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
