I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
