i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
