good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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