He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
