I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
